I Wish I Could Paint So I Would Have an Excuse To See My Friends Naked
An unreleased poem
I don’t remember where I wrote this (I wish I did). It was probably on a subway but it’s one of my new favorite poems. I really do wish I could learn to paint so I could see my friends naked. Don’t we all?? I really do have friends who masturbate to photos of themselves which never occurred to me to do before, but I think it’s beautiful that they can. Maybe I’ll try it one day. Enjoy!
CHALLENGES
all my friends
complain
about the lovers
in their lives
and all I wanna do
is learn to play
the piano
so I can play it
naked in my window
for the neighborhood
and anyone else
who can see me
on a sunny day
from the street
that’s why we live
in New York
to catch a naked
body in motion
doing anything
it ends up
as small talk
for some over dinner
the most exciting thing
to happen to them
but to me
it’s just practice
it’s just daily routine
like showering
and going to the bathroom
I just learned
that I should trim
my eyebrows
so they come
across more presentable
I used to trim my eyelashes
as a kid
because I thought
I looked like a girl
and now I trim
most of the hair
on my body
to feel presentable
I wish I could paint
because I’d have an excuse
to see my friends naked
and my colleagues
I wanna see
my colleagues naked
even the ones I don’t want
to sleep with
I wanna paint a portrait
of myself naked
and masturbate to it
just to see if I could
I don’t do enough things
just to see if I could
I have friends who
masturbate
to photos of themselves
I’m jealous of
their confidence
I wish I saw myself
that way
I don’t know
what it is about
Pad Thai
but it turns me on
It’s so American
I’m so American
I love to eat
but I don’t like using
forks and knives
it’s important
to eat with your hands
especially if
you’re trying
to learn an instrument
It keeps you grounded
to your primal instincts
my taste
has been sanitized
by industrial smells
I’ll sit on the toilet
for over an hour after
I go to the bathroom
to feel connected
to the millions of years
of the same process
that happened
before me
and if I do it
for long enough
maybe it’ll
bring me closer
to a version of me
that I actually might
want to paint
I read this poem at the inaugural
reading March 12th, 2025.Buy my book MOUTHFUL where there are other poems like this one.
You can purchase it below. I’ll send you a signed copy.
"MOUTHFUL keeps a running lyrical tab of all of the stray, horny, quotidian, anxious but most importantly, generous thoughts racing through Matt’s handsome little head. *Chefs kiss*”
- BRONTEZ PURNELL, Author of 100 Boyfriends